Friday, September 09, 2005

I'm really pissed off at movies that claim "Based on actual events" yet they have endings and sometimes entire storylines that no one could possibly know.
A few years ago we were visiting Terri's aunt out in Ohio. We were flipping through the channels and became interested in the second half of the movie The Perfect Storm, or rather her aunt did. I watched with a vague interest and waited to see which crew member was going to survive to have told the tale to everyone else. No one survived. Not one. Not even the boat.
Now I'm still in the midst of going through the movies that I borrowed from Tom and I finally watched this. 81 minutes long. I'd say there's maybe 20 minutes of extraneous stuff (getting to the island, some nudity, the ending) so it's an hour or so of them bobbing around in the ocean. It's not scary. It's not a psychological thriller. It does not achieve a primal terror. And they both end up fuckin' dead. So how do they even know what happened? This couple that was miscounted and left behind could have gotten the woman's weight belt stuck on the reef and they both died of lack of oxygen trying to free her. The man could have gotten his tank attached to the bottom of the boat and still be there. They have no idea that the two of them surfaced and were stuck out there. In fact, for that matter, the two may have just stashed their stuff on this boat, grabbed two tanks and they are living on some remote corner of the island and they make their money braiding tourists hair for quarters. Maybe the wife was having an affair with the boatman and they killed the husband and the boatman is hiding her out til the heat is off. In fact, who's to say that the boatman is the boatman, maybe the guy killed the boatman and took his place. Maybe the guy was fucking the boatman and they killed the wife. Each and every one of these theories is as plausible as the crap they decided to show. Stupid movies.
In fact, yesterday I was watching this and it turns out it was a better movie. It didn't premiere at Sundance and at best won a razzie or two, but it was by far the better movie between the two.

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